Swinging the brand queer

Currently, approximately half of my clients are women and/or couples. 

It hasn’t always been the case - in fact up until two years ago, it hadn’t even occurred to me to make myself available for that. I had had only a couple of working experiences with couples much earlier in my career and the last one had gone quite badly - the lady clearly didn’t wanna be there and I had to fuck her husband while she glared at me from the corner… I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so small or uncomfortable. So, I just wrote it off. There is enough work that comes from men in this industry that one doesn’t really have to do anyone else to make a living. But something a couple of years ago twigged.

Firstly, my sexuality really cemented and I gained a lot more personal experience with women individually and also threesomes (yeap, my own life is as debaucherous as my work life sometimes)- I was armed now with more experiences in my ‘portfoli-ho’ and self-confidence to bring into my work repertoire if I wanted to. Secondly, I was talking to a friend of mine who saw many couples and seemed really happy doing that. She hadn’t had any of the troubles I had experienced years ago, which bolstered my confidence. Immediately after that conversation happened, I received a request from a couple (even though I wasn’t advertising that service) and to me it just seemed serendipitous. If it went well, then that’s great, and if not I would never have to do it again. I didn’t charge them the customary couples rates (usually a bit higher than for solo encounters) because I didn’t feel experienced enough in a professional capacity to, and just went for it (after speaking directly to the lady and being assured she was keen). And it went well - in fact I’ve been seeing that couple regularly ever since, even through covid and rate rises - they’ve been wonderful to me. 

Soon after that, I had my first solo lady client, who I also still see, and it’s grown from there. I’ve grown more confident in advertising myself directly to women and couples, knowing now that there is amazing, and really fun work to be had away from the traditional notion of sex work being mainly for men. I kinda wish I’d come to this realisation sooner, but it wasn’t so easy or straight forward to end up here.

Firstly, I was scared of alienating my existing client base. While my clients have always been quite lefty and open minded, probably because I’m quite tattooed and outspoken, they’ve still been men, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in both my personal and professional life - it’s that men can be very intimidated by a woman liking something else different from them. I’ve seen men feel threatened by dildos, by other men or partners, and especially women. I suppose because women ‘offer something they can’t’, but, it’s silly really because why would you want to be ‘everything’ to someone whose job is literally to fuck other people? But it was a very real business concern. And maybe I had a reason to be cautious - I’ve definitely lost a large chunk of my middle-aged-white-male clientele, not that it was a dominant demographic for me, but there’s only a few who book now. I guess being a very colourful, tattooed, openly queer and partnered sex worker doesn’t appeal to some people. But as it turns out, that’s ok, I’ve gained women and couples in their place and I’m doing really well.

A girl I was dating at the time asked me some big questions while I was considering swinging my brand into the rainbow spectrum - she asked me how long did I plan on doing this and how was I going to do that sustainably and maintain happiness. Good points. My brand has always been very authentic, like sure I keep a few things to myself but mostly what you see is what you get with me. I can’t do the ‘oh baby, your dick is sooo big hehe’ bullshit, partly because I think my clients are intelligent enough to realise it’s disingenuous but also because I’m a terrible liar. So if I didn’t bring my sexuality into my work, a big part of who I am, it was going to start feeling uncomfortable for me with some of their heteronormative dialogue. And the industry is mostly heteronormative, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t grate me. There are so many (often secretly) queer people in our industry, that the common notion of ‘gay for pay’ that gets bandied about is laughable - it’s much more common for providers to be straight for pay - because traditionally it’s men who have all the money, and we want to make money - it’s sort of the point.

Things are changing though. People and their relationships are changing. Covid really forced people to take stock of their relationships, and they’re wanting to try something new. Maybe it’s a threesome, maybe the woman in a long term hetero relationship is mourning a part of their sexuality they haven’t been able to explore. Professional women are busy and tired and sometimes they want the company of a woman without the effort of dating or emotional commitments. Mothers want pampering away from the demands of everyone else, and I even have a straight lady who books when she is in town because, she says, ‘girls give better head and men are exhausting’. It’s definitely been a wild ride opening up as professionally queer - my clientele aren’t always who you think.

I felt like taking a leap into this new part of the industry for me would be a risk I couldn’t take back, but I’ve always had faith in my own hustle and it’s the best move (other than moving countries) professionally that I’ve ever made. I’m pansexual, and I still love seeing men too - I’ve got some amazing clients that I still have from when I first stepped foot in this country, but the variety, and the new challenges and greater landscape of experiences has definitely helped me fall deeper in love with the field of work. Sometimes men can feel ‘left out’ if they aren’t the centre of conversation, but I’ve also had some of my clients come out to me as bisexual or having questions about their gender now they can see that I’m a safe space for them to talk and express themselves freely. That’s kinda beautiful, and shows that there are benefits here for men too (not just the threesomes). This is never getting boring or old - my worst fear is of the mundane and I’ve opened up a door to magical kinds of people, so in making other people happy, I’m making myself happy and content too.

I’m lucky and privileged to have been able to make the changes I’ve made in this little world of mine. Lucky to make a living doing what I love, lucky to have support to do it, and lucky to have fun, respectful clients who give me the space to grow and come along for the ride. By opening up my arms to a wide range of people, I hope to provide a safe space for people to be who they are and indulge themselves for a while, so I’m lucky also that people choose me for that. It’s an honour really to be that person for so many people on their own journeys, whether for carnal delights or a deeper part of someone’s self discovery. I’m making a living being that safe and sexy person for others, and you can’t ask for much more than that can you?

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Navigating Dating as a High Demand Sexy Awesome Person (Sex worker)

 I’m writing this one for my peers. 

I understand this platform was put here so clients can read it, educate themselves, get a better idea of me, entertain them or show I have enough brain cells that I can hold a conversation in a booking. It’s an outlet too I suppose. But this one is for my peers because it’s a topic I’m deeply passionate about and I’ve had this conversation enough times recently that I figured it was worth writing down. And if clients read that, I am trusting everyone here to be adult enough to recognise that sex workers have lives outside of their profession and there are some issues we come up against that perhaps you hadn’t thought about.

I’m quite open about having a personal love life - it’s something I consider to be important to me. As I recently mentioned somewhere on Twitter, having that balance between sleeping with people who have chosen me, and sleeping with people I’ve chosen for myself, helps to keep my headspace regarding sex and intimacy in a healthy place. I’m a romantic, I love love, and I have quite a lot of experience with navigating love, dating and relationships with this field of work.

After my divorce, I moved to Australia where I didn’t know a single person and decided that dating apps might be a fun way to meet people. It was my first experience ‘dating’ and asides from one or two little blips, it has been an enriching experience. I’ve been here for over 5 years now, I’ve fallen in and out of love, reaffirmed and come out as my sexuality as a bi/pan woman, delved into the world of polyamory (more recently) and through heart break and L words, I’ve been simultaneously sex working and dating with the two worlds co-existing nicely in a degree of harmony. It’s been a wonderful ride.

Dating as a sex worker has its challenges though. You don’t know if a person you’ve just met/matched with is a progressive minded person. You probably don’t know yet how sex-positive they are, what their views are on feminism, what type of feminism they might ascribe to, what their upbringing looked like or how possessive they might be in relationships. There’s a lot to feel out about a person that a lot of non sex-working people might not have to. While old school romance complete with jealousy and possessiveness might be admired in some people’s (my opinion outdated) world - that can be dangerous for us. So what I’m often asked by friends in the industry is - ‘so when do I tell them about my job?’.

I’m going to underline everything I say here as opinion, and not everyone is going to agree with me. I’ve definitely got the experience to back up my advice, but that’s really all it is, and everyone makes their own choices according to what works for them. I’ve often heard people give the advice that it’s better to tell someone after they get to know you, so they see that you’re more than just a job title. And I think that logic can make sense - let a person get to know you so they understand there’s a real person behind the job. But to me, the problem lies in how much extra that’s going to really fucking hurt, when and if you get rejected. Down the road, they’re no longer just rejecting the job title, they’re also rejecting you - plus they’re also going to be pretty mad that you lied to them. It’s my opinion that deception isn’t a great way to start any relationship, even if you did it to protect yourself.  I don’t judge the choice to withhold this information by the way, we face a lot of stigma for what we do and opening ourselves up to judgment, particularly to people we might fancy, is terrifying. It can be nice just to be a civilian in someone's eyes for a while. But sooner or later whether you disclose, or they stumble across an advert or whatever - it's coming out and it's not going to be smooth sailing, it's going to be emotive and there's a high chance that you will not be met with immediate understanding.

Outing yourself to anyone as a sex worker is a big deal. People can get pretty mad, vengeful or vindictive when they find out we have sex for a job. Something about it really ticks people off. I don’t understand it, but it’s true. I myself am quite careful in some of my circles, as people with conservative upbringings in particular are simply never going to understand me. So outing yourself to someone you’ve just met or started talking to can seem like a really risky move - and it is. But there’s the other side to that - people who are more invested in you - that you’ve already been dating for a while, have more emotions at play when you eventually tell them what you do - and it’s my opinion that that is much more dangerous to you, especially when you throw feelings of deception in the mix.

My ‘strategy’ is to tell people before the first date. Whether that’s dating sites or the occasional person I have flirtations with at places I frequent - I never date a person who doesn’t know. I want to know, before I waste an evening where I could be working or doing literally anything else - if that person is going to be chill about my work before I invest time, energy and feelings into anything. Emphasis on ‘chill’ here, I also don’t want to date a person who fetishises it or is interested in the work beyond a healthy curiosity. Maybe we have a chat for a while about other things, and I usually keep the topic away from occupations for as long as humanly possible to see if I actually like them as a person, but eventually, and always before a date, I casually drop my job into the topic of conversation. I don’t frame it as an apology, I don’t frame it as a disclaimer, I don’t try to minimise it with a ‘but I do other things too’, I just talk about it like anyone who works in an office does - just as a simple fact. I’ll feel out what kind of questions they’re asking, and assess from there whether that first date is happening. If they aren’t chill or they start interrogating me, I just leave it. They aren’t really invested in me at this point and vice versa so there’s no real loss and it’s unlikely anything bad will come of it. They do not actually know who I am at this point anyway even if they wanted to be nasty.

On dating apps, I want to tell all sex workers quite categorically - NEVER SIGN UP UNDER YOUR REAL NAME. Do not link to your personal social media. Not only could a match go poorly, but there are also clients on dating apps. In fact I pretty much recommend not having your real name anywhere on the internet, tbh, wherever possible. This isn’t suspicious - many civilians have fake Facebook names and stuff because being a person, especially female and trans on the internet is actually pretty risky in general. Protect your identity first and NEVER tell potential dates your working name. I made this mistake early on and a couple of months after that date went poorly, they started txting me quoting my work website information and being a real dickhead. Keep them separate! 

Some people might think that mentioning it so early on will encourage judgement, but for me - I’d like to know right away if they’re the kind of person who would judge - I don’t really think I would change their mind by waiting longer to tell them. I’m quite conscious of my own time, I don’t have a whole heap of it spare, so I have no intention of wasting it on someone who isn’t already at a point of social progressiveness and sexual positivity as I am. That’s not labour I really want to have to put into someone, it sounds like a lot of hard work. 

Being single isn’t a bad thing. You’re a wonderful, beautiful and desirable person and that’s why people pay for your company - don’t sell yourself short on anyone who isn’t quite right, live your life with joy and if the right person comes along, great. If not, that’s also great - I think far too many people jump into relationships for the sake of it and have little time to evolve as individuals on their own. I also think though that a lot of us carry internalised stigma and feel we have to make difficult compromises in order to find love and sometimes settle for less than what we deserve. It breaks my heart when I hear peers saying they’re giving up on a personal sex/love life as I do believe deeply that we are all deserving of love and should be able to enjoy intimacy on our own time if we want to (also if you're a person that's quite kinky, having a safe personal space for play is quite important as client-side sex is still ultimately about the client over your own needs). I also find it hard to witness people in unhealthy relationships, fearing to leave in case no-one else will ever ‘accept’ their job.

Our job isn’t something to be tolerated or endured by partners. It isn’t something that should be held over us, that we feel we should live quietly and apologetically for. Dating is scary and for us has different layers of complexity, but each of us deserves cheerleaders and supporters in our lives, and my own philosophy with dating is that if your eyes aren't open for it, it won’t just magically appear for you like it does in the movies. Meet-cutes are literary, not reality. And while people often suggest dating clients, it’s my own anecdotal experience that this is messier than it immediately sounds, and dating people away from our industry gives us space to breathe away from the noise and expands our personal horizons. That’s an individual choice though. The tone we set for ourselves with dating can determine how we are received, and in disclosing our occupation with a degree of pride, it encourages the same in others. I believe if we treat it as a dark secret to people we let into our lives, they’ll hold it over us as one, and leaves us open to hurt and abuse. I want my peers to always tread carefully and protect their heart, but also not to close it off and deny themselves the same joys in life that others in life take for granted - you deserve love, intimacy and great sex on your own terms, with people who see you for the glorious You that you are.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Community: is it though?

 I’ve always been looking for connection in one way or another. 

An only child, reclusive and a bit weird I’d always found it hard to make friends in school, yet I could never shake this feeling of loneliness. I wanted friends, I just couldn’t make friends out of the cliquey school crowd I was cursed with. I was coming of age when chatrooms became a thing, and MSN Messenger. Thankfully I was done with high school before Facebook really got it’s claws in. It was an odd time - this disconnected connectedness. The internet was a bridge to the mainland from my hopeless little island.

Sure, I met people I shouldn’t have from murky parts of the web, did some stupid stuff, got hurt and got in trouble. But these things were all happening to my peers in the schoolyard too, so how much blame we can put on digital platforms for the resulting messes I found myself in, who can say. But importantly, I wasn’t alone like I was in the ‘real world’, and the long nights talking to people I never met got me through some dark times - I can’t imagine the alternative if I didn’t have random music and literary chatrooms back then.

My story isn’t unique for my generation, many of us outcasts grew up online - it’s where everyone who felt different or misunderstood turned to for a moment of comfort or understanding. And it’s ballooned. Online communities aren’t just for the loners and subcultures anymore, in fact if you’re off the grid, you’re the ‘weirdo’ now.

Times have changed, and the roles we play online have shifted. Once I turned to chatrooms and forums to absorb myself into a new community, to feel supported and not so alone. But I’m not a teenager anymore, I’m well and truly adult and I’m no longer lonely, so increasingly I’m the one offering support and companionship to other online users who feel adrift. People turn to me, even if it’s inappropriate to do so. The exchange of energy has shifted to my detriment. I’m hosting exchanges rather than enjoying them, I’m the focus of too much attention and that can be anxiety inducing and strangely isolating. Online communities consist of so many fans demanding attention, games of smoke and mirrors and a phenomenon of simultaneous oversharing and censorship, as well as trolling and ‘cancel culture’.

Recently a friend of mine tragically died, and I wasn’t able to talk about it in spaces where I normally share. Not just because I couldn’t think of the words to say, but because I knew that my online network would largely be emotionally harmful to my situation. People aren’t respectful of sensitive topics anymore - fans will sexualise pretty much anything including grief, people ask inappropriate questions, interrogate, belittle or scorn. I actually felt it would be disrespectful to my friend to even mention it. So it really begs the question, can we even call it community anymore?

I’m away on a digital detox (at time of writing, not publishing)- I’ve deliberately escaped internet and cell reception so I can escape from all the noise. The safe space I need to nurture myself is with birds and baby animals, for now. To grieve I had to consciously create a space to do it. It’s interesting to me how my relationship with the internet has evolved over the years, from one that was a welcome escape, to one that I need to escape from. I can’t turn to the internet anymore, I mean it’s everywhere, it’s harder in fact to turn away from it. It’s likely no coincidence that my real life has blossomed to one less isolating, with meaningful relationships and a lesser sense of loneliness - no doubt that adds to my disillusionment in modern social internet, maybe I just don’t need it. But I have to wonder, with the internet as a massive social engine in the modern age, where it’s not just the misfits writing emo poetry in chatrooms, but an all encompassing validation tool that targets younger and younger people - who does this benefit now? When we no longer turn to our online communities for comfort, connection and kindness, but validation and addictive little dopamine hits - where do the sad, grieving or depressed people go now, if loved ones can’t be found? Social media promises connection and community but increasingly delivers more isolation and self doubt. Arguably it even fractures our sense of identity.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make us reassess what’s important. And day after day we invest hours into online spaces, where perhaps that time could be better spent invested in life itself - the people around us, and things that bring us joy. I do think, these relationships and experiences that are real and tangible, are the most important of all, and today especially, I’m sensitive to just how precious that time in our life is.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Memory Lane

Memory is a funny thing. 

It forms our identity - largely how we perceive our selves and our lives is based on what memories we've got stored. In the present our brains are constantly interpreting and recording our surroundings and events into pages in our story - our selves built on the past. Yet it can’t be relied upon, we know that testimony can be influenced, and how we recollect memories is often shaped by how we retell them, an internal ‘broken telephone’ if you like. 

It should be of no surprise that I have a shocking memory, none of my job requires recall. And as they say with brain power, if you don’t use it , you lose it. I guess that’s why I try to read regularly, to keep the rest of my brain engaged. This work does require brainpower much the same as running any small business would, and really fine-tunes your interpersonal skills, but other parts of the brain can remain pretty much as dormant as you want them to be. Part of my job is forgetting, it’s easier for me to keep my peer’s real names secret if I just forget them, same with clients. It doesn’t benefit anybody for me to remember my client’s name is John - it probably isn’t.
It’s worrying how quickly memory function fails, though it’s promising for my clients - no-one ever has to worry about their discretion - you can’t tell secrets you can’t remember (but who would I tell?). It isn’t for lack of interest - active listening is one of my best skills which is really useful in this work. But I don’t need to remember that someone walks with a gait or that their hair is blonde, any more than I need to know the sky was blue on Tuesday. It’s past information that doesn’t influence the events of tomorrow. 

But I’ll have little flashes sometimes. Like the one I had before I sat down to my laptop, of flesh meshing into flesh, their hand wrapped under my back supporting my neck as they urgently thrust inside of me. I remember the boar-ish groan as they cum (my audial recollection unlike the rest, is impressive) and how they relaxed onto me, with dewy sweat and a waft of underarm odour. That moment is crystal clear in my memory, etched into my extensive carnal past. But I can’t see their face, remember their name or tell you when I saw them. Just a mystery man from memory lane.

I was standing at the sink the other day peeling my boiled eggs (yes, sex workers also do the mundane), when goosebumps swept across my body as my memory threw up the sensation of small feminine hands draped across my body, as they fucked me with a cold glass toy. It’s vivid, she’s begging me to cum in a high sweet voice, her scent is annoyingly floral and her thrusts are accurate and overwhelmingly effective. Another nice little memory jolt from a scene somewhere on the shelves of the library of my mind. A book falling open on a page during breakfast.

 
It’s a terrible thing to admit to, that sexual memories are loosely scattered in my brain unattached to identities. I guess as my job is so sexually oriented, that those things become the least memorable parts of the work. I can do large parts of my work on autopilot - I’ve given thousands of blowjobs. I love giving blowjobs, and I like to think I’m always present and in the moment, but if I need to, if I’ve got a lot of shit on my personal plate, I can do that entirely automated while solving my personal issues in my head, without a client noticing. That’s the skill of a veteran sex worker - existing in two places at once. 
Yet, I can recall immediately the pained expression of a client who had lost their child. Their face and name is clear. I can recall the sparkle of, and colour of the eyes of the person whose virginity I took recently, and the shockingly chewed state of the nails of a workaholic regular. I seem to have catalogued clients into sections of fleeting moments of meaningfulness, and random facts about their lives they probably deemed unimportant. The sexual moments of our time together, probably what they deemed most important and they themselves probably have memorised by the second,  floating away from my mind like dandelion pappi, leaving only occasional sensorily busy moments planted behind. I cum every day, it’s a self care routine of a bodily function I’d do myself anyway, so doesn’t operate like a bookmark for me in bookings as much as I think people would like to believe it would.

I worry for my mind sometimes, what will become of it with a lifetime built of hedonism and deliberate carnal forgetting, so I busy myself with learning and reading, which adds nothing to my work life but keeps my imagination alive and hopefully keeps my recall off a ventilator. I fight against what trauma has done to a large part of my former life - a big blank spot I can’t seem to reach, nor am I sure I want to. 

They say our mind does what it can to protect itself, but in this case it's an overzealous German shepherd - down boy. I no longer need protection from what I live day to day, I long to remember it all, it would make people in my own life, not just clients feel a lot more special if I could just remember what it is we actually did on our first date, I’m sure it was fun though. I also find writing helps my recall, and where it doesn’t I find it helps me to at least reimagine the parts that are missing in a way that if not entertaining or sexually pleasing, completes a story that otherwise would simply be unfinished chapters. Perhaps if I reread it often enough it’ll become part of my natural recall, a part of my story that’s not quite fiction, not quite truth, with a memory that can’t bear witness either way. 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

An Ode to My Boobs

I remember Mum bought me a sports bra when I hit puberty, that I never grew into. 

Everyone thought I’d get the big titties that I was genetically predetermined to get, but I didn’t and I’m delighted. In my lifetime I’ve been quite surrounded by possessors of The Boobs, many of whom have strong enough feelings about their tits to surgically change them. I know many who have had reductions, and I know many more who have had implants to increase them. These are not minor surgeries, nor are they cheap. I know they can be sexy, gender affirming, and they feel damn nice. So we can conclude overall that tits are important to us. 

For me, they just aren’t though. I watched so many people struggle with back pain or discomfort with larger boobs, in my own family too. I’ve seen the deep bra indents on shoulders, the unattractive bra selection, the squinting from migraines caused by back pain caused by boobs. I’ve seen big boobs, alot, and I rather enjoy them - but are they practical? I’m not so sure. Definitely not sure enough to pay a lot of money, endure a lot of pain and unpaid leave to go and change them, with no guarantee I’d like the result. 

And it’s odd, because I work in an industry with high beauty standards - which society still tells us includes sizeable boobies. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve admired a successful glamorous escort who had boobs my size, only to witness them eventually ‘upgrade’. I’m running out of flat-chested whore idols. It comes up in conversation all the time with clients - regularly I’m told ‘don’t you dare change these’, when I had never once mentioned them or suggested I would. It’s almost an expectation now, that escorts will buy new boobs. And I’m not against people doing that, I believe people should do what makes them happy. For me I guess I’m just already happy - in spite of constant societal messaging, particularly in my corner of the world, that maybe I shouldn’t be.

My boobs are great, honestly. Thankyou to my genetic lottery for giving me these two beauties against all odds. They are reasonably symmetrical, an easy little handful, and most importantly - they don’t cause me any grief. These puppies required no surgery, and they are not heavy or uncomfortable. I can train heavily, jump, skip, run (if I wanted to) without thinking about them. They get a bit bigger or smaller through my cycle, but they always fit nicely into bras and cause me no bother. In fact I don’t really need to wear bras at all, I only do as the padding stops people staring at me every time my nipples catch a breeze. 

I’ve been an escort for many years now, and have done pretty well without any attempt to adhere to a big booby beauty standard. They’ve been fondled and enjoyed by many people, and to date - not one complaint! I am sure that one day they will sit a bit different, feel a little softer, but I will still be grateful for them, for being the one part of my femininity that hasn’t been a giant inconvenience. I’m keeping them. 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

I am enough

Being an escort isn’t enough. 

People aren’t looking for an escort that is just an escort anymore. Our field seems immune to developing 'experts' out of our veterans, rather longterm workers are being written off as one dimensional. To humanise us, it’s become integral to brand yourself so much more than 'just' a sex worker. We must be botanists, writers, dancers, nurses, animal lovers (VEGANS), art historians, podcasters, mothers, activists, and so on. We must have other passions that we dedicate 90% of our time to, in order to be deemed good company for the discerning client. Full-time whore just doesn’t have a wholesome enough ring to it apparently.

So often, clients want a companion who is just playing companion for fun on the sidelines, when their ‘real’ selves are functioning 9-5 in a more acceptable profession, holding down ten hobbies, writing memoirs, putting on red bottom shoes just for them, for their hour or two. Basically superhuman, with no real bills or problems. 

You’re going to scold me for being dramatic, shush, but I’ve been watching my occupation change and evolve my entire adult life (alright, that's not as long as it sounds) and this is the direction it’s taken. Clients, with the misconception that they’re being the ‘good guy’ by only picking an escort who is clearly only do this for funsies, as opposed to the rest of us who must be ‘coerced’ by capitalism, are placing these demands on the industry and it’s essentially gentrifying the industry, slowly pushing out workers who actually need the money, or legitimately just really don’t want to do anything else.

I don’t want to do anything else. It disappoints some of the more patriarchal clients I see, to hear, but it’s true. And this doesn’t make me uninteresting, or unevolved or unintelligent - in fact if anything I find it to be the opposite. I think I have one of the most interesting jobs in the world - not because the work itself is always particularly flamboyant or scandalous, but because I work with people - the most bizarre and interesting species of all, and at a level that’s deeper and more honest than any other profession. I’ve gotten very good at it and I’m far, far from bored with it. I plan on being an escort until the day my hips give out, and probably not a day less.

But every day, on my socials, I make sure that I talk about more than 'just' my job, it’s become critical. I make sure people know I love succulents, that I’m reading new books, going new places and that I’m busy and keeping fit. All of this is true. People want to hear that. Which is funny really, given how unrelated those things are to my work - sure sometimes those things come up in conversation, but I mean, my newest Aloe isn’t sucking anyone’s dick and giving them a cuddle afterwards, is it? They're certainly not the most interesting parts of me. Yet thousands of people around the world who have never paid me a cent, now know I love tiramisu and have two cups of white coffee in the morning, and that's become a stupid but important part of escort branding in 2021.

This increased need by clients to ‘humanise us’ beyond our actual job is contributing to burnout in sex workers, well before any of the actual work does. It’s time-consuming and taxing, and it makes people question themselves. It’s no longer a matter of ‘am I pretty enough’, ‘am I good enough at head?’, it’s also now - ‘am I worthy enough as a person?’ - and that’s damaging. No longer is it just a handful of elite courtesans who must be multilingual and mysteriously, wonderfully hyper-intellectual - it’s now the everyday escort who has a spread of small-time clients too. We are all now held to the standards of the upper echelon paramours of old, who have one or two Johns and retire into gifted estates (look, I’ve read about these women in books but I’ve never met any…lol). Escorts are faking (or not) degrees left right and centre, for a job that actually has no entry requirements, and for what? To impress a client that books an hour and calls you Brandy by mistake? Our industry is surely not THIS competitive.

What does it take to be a good escort? Sure I guess being moderately attractive might be important, although not as much as one might think; able to a point to compartmentalise sex so that you can do it with pretty much anyone, can do the sex, can do the sex safely… but mostly it’s being compassionate, tender, business savvy, patient, and able to be or at least pretend to be, interested in people - all people. So what on earth does it matter if your escort also holds down a day job, won Silver at the Commonwealth Games and can speak 4 languages (and I KNOW your Spanish isn’t as fluent as you claim it is, Sir). Self accomplishment has little at all to do with you, or anyone other than themselves. So it just doesn't matter. Over and over again we’re being asked to prove our ‘depth’, before payment is exchanged. It’s just another form of trophy collecting - they want to believe they bedded someone of a societal level they aspire to be at - even if it’s entirely irrelevant to the job at hand. God forbid one only books a ‘whore’. Most of the clients insistent on higher education and a country count of 20+, are not booking anyone for more than a few hours/ a week or two of rent. That’s hardly life altering is it, especially for one supposedly so ‘upper class’? These expectations have always previously been held of courtesans with VERY generous allowances.

People often tell me, that they think it makes someone more interesting if escorting is just a small avenue in their otherwise busy, respectable life. It’s untrue - what it often makes people, is TIRED. If your escort holds down three jobs, globe trots and spends all night studying microeconomics and staying on top of popular culture - they’re probably just exhausted! It isn’t to say these things are bad, of course not, but it’s just not all that relevant to the warmth of their personality or what they can do for your genitals - the stuff that actually matters for your experience.

I spend most of my personal life with people outside of this industry - people considered ‘respectable’, with good jobs and tertiary education. It’s my reprieve from my field, to immerse myself in people who’ve never heard of the term ‘ugly mug’. I will tell you this - adore them as I do - they’re not more interesting than me. They simply do not have time to be! They’re definitely not happier, tend to have 8pm bedtimes (or wear lack of sleep under their eyes), talk mostly about office politics, are more burnt out and are chronically underpaid. They also have to ask Office Daddy for a day off. Very much so like our clients themselves. So I can’t imagine how picking up another job or three competitive hobbies could in anyway help bring more to my sessions, if anything I’d be depleted, have less time and would have to charge three times as much for the same, if not crappier service - then people really would complain!

Often people say to me, when I respond that people and intimacy are my biggest passions, ‘why don’t you turn that into a career? Study it!’. Well, err, I did turn it into a career - and I didn’t need to spend 80k on a degree to do it! (don't ask me about my student loan though, ugh). I also get paid more and have more time for myself than most academics and people in other people-centric jobs. So isn’t this the smartest option here? I have studied, but ultimately feel it’s been a waste of time and money, and I have the freedom to read a lot and speak to so many people from so many walks of life, that I really am learning constantly. I’ve talked to people in professions I’ve never heard of, talked to your Boss, seen his cum face, and probably met the ‘next big thing’ in the ‘next big’ field. And I don’t know anyone in my circle who can read people, and entertain, as consistently as I can. That sounds arrogant, but that’s a really cool skill that you cannot learn in academia. Where else can you learn to compose threesomes where everyone gets off and noone is left out? Not from a Psychology degree, that would certainly be questionable. Interpersonal skills are valid, valuable and actually relevant to my profession. Yet, I will never earn a certificate of expertise in my field, there's no honour to attain, it simply doesn't exist. So people seem unable to respect it. 

I remember vividly a conversation with a client, otherwise very nice, who acknowledged they sought only the most accomplished of women, who made a statement similar to, 'well would you rather I treated women like sex dolls, I want someone who is more than a cum bucket'. Well, to this I would say, how many degrees does it take for you to stop viewing women as cum buckets? One, two? This to me displayed deeply entrenched misogyny, that really has nothing to do with any of the escorts he books, and everything to do with his inability to see us as people to begin with. Sometimes 'nice guy' behaviour is just bacon-wrapped sexism.

Each and every escort you meet is interesting and has depth - firstly because they’re just human beings, but also it’s just who we are. We are entertainers, and although I’m biased, every sex worker I’ve met has just been really cool in their own way. We shouldn't have to expose our lives or pad our social CV's to prove that. The pressure to show to the world over and over again that we are this or we are that, unrelated to our profession is just new world stigma. My succulents are actually criminally uninteresting (and neglected) next to my tits and the sound of my laughter, so forget about them. The moral panic around sex work makes people want to dig further into our being, to make sure we are only here for the fun of their company, god forbid we may just have bills to pay, or may actually get benefit from earning money in a way that’s flexible and not hideously tedious. Oftentimes these clients are otherwise good clients, unawares they’re buying into an elitist trope that hurts so much of the industry, shovelling away with their nosey spades into our socials to make sure we’re perfectly deep enough for their satisfaction. I wish I could scream it from atop their overpriced hotels, for goodness sakes -

 I AM ENOUGH.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

On the flip side

I was waiting to get nervous, I was prepared for it. 

But strangely, it never happened. I had been hoping, I guess, to experience some semblance of what my own clients must go through before their bookings, but almost annoyingly my heart rate never lifted. Perhaps I think it’s a good sign, that sex for me has become this safe place, a sanctuary from the world - even in new or different scenarios.

Today, for the first time, I am the client. Or at least, myself and my partner. Maybe that helped, that I was still in a familiar nurturing role - my partner was terribly nervous. I’m distracted with assuring him that we’re about to have a very memorable evening, that we would make him feel safe and sexy. Perhaps it also helped that I knew her - a friend kind enough to put on her sex working hat for us, to provide the uncomplicated threesome we’d been looking for. Well, our first threesome with a girl anyway.

As we approach her building, I wait for my pulse to race, but I’m calm as death, with the warmth of my love’s clammy hands reminding me of just how very alive we are. I know tonight will be just the medicine for my hellishly overworked, burnt out and too-brilliant man. I look at him, oh, he has no idea how much fun this will be.

I’m right of course. I run my life off instinct and I just knew this was going to be a great time. Our provider, as I already knew, is insanely hot, let’s not forget that we are here for my own taste for carnal adventures too. We take sips of our bubbles, stumbling a little for words, but it isn’t long before we’re showered and naked and laughing. I watch my love kiss her, and a flame ignites - nothing brings me more joy than seeing a partner of mine experience something, or someone new. My heart is full as I taste her lips, our hands full with eachother, his hands coming up behind me, reassuring and encouraging. Both professionals, we know to how to provide a little show, his mind taking snapshots of us looking up at him, with his dick in our mouths, always a little show of pussy here and there, teasing and beckoning. It’s fun. His face is happy and stunned, as we both straddle him like a motorbike in tandem, me exploring and fondling her while he’s inside me, until he begs me to stop. My mind still throws me flashbacks sometimes, of her generous chest painted with his cum, and the spine-tingling sounds that accompanied it. Heaven.

We return again a few weeks later, with a familiarity that aids the flow, and an equally well composed crescendo. My accommodating peer meets another partner of mine - you could say I have been greedy lately with pleasures of the flesh. It meets a need - we could certainly have tried our luck with other partners to scratch that itch, but we weighed up if it was worth tinkering with the balance of our polycule, and hiring a professional ended up being a no-brainer. A professional is always going to be mindful of our needs, you can be selective in terms of aesthetic, and they’re never going to be causing any hassle for you when you leave. All of the fun, none of the entanglement. 

It might perhaps be impossible for me to have that authentic pre-booking client experience, because I know too much and I’m far too comfortable in the realms of the industry. Part of me wanted to say I truly understood, when clients described their jitters. But it certainly gave an interesting perspective on just how beneficial a no-strings indulgent professional experience can be. My partner’s shoulders dropped after our bookings with her, his mind off work for those precious few hours, his ‘mojo’ flourished and those memories are going to last us a lifetime. No drama, no games, no time-consuming dating or unicorn-hunting. We shared in something really beautiful together, and the money we spent never once crossed our minds - we were too busy fucking a lot with the new little spark we’d found in that room with her.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Censored

 It’s sadly not an unfamiliar feeling, seeing a large avenue of my business close, consequently wondering if I’ll wake up tomorrow without an income.

A week ago, my Twitter account was suspended, it would seem that I showed a little too much butt in one of my profile pictures. It’s my second suspension, after last time I showed too much cleavage apparently, and the likelihood of retrieving my account through appeal I’m told, is minimal. It’s only social media, some people might think, but over the years it has been pretty integral to growing my business. To reach the people, you have to be where they are - and that’s Instagram and Twitter. Having a website is great and all, but it really only works as a landing page for me when people discover me elsewhere - a solo sex worker simply doesn’t generate the SEO or traffic required for traction on it’s own. So after 5-6 years of relentless posting, fighting ’shadowbans’ and increased censorship, I creeped my way to 30k followers, only to lose it overnight. I definitely cried.

One of the things I’ve always loved about Twitter is how conversation based it is. I have never been particularly good at Instagram, where it’s incredibly image heavy, a lot of smoke and mirrors, plus the censorship is next level. Instagram closes sex worker accounts every day - I’ve never invested fully in it because I knew they’d take my account at any moment. Twitter has always been less censored, much more conversational and word based - so I guess I took it for granted that I was safe there, but now they’re cracking down on flesh in header images. I was tastefully in underwear - graphic nudity has never been my gig - you can pay for that on my Onlyfans where I might actually benefit from it haha, but even implied sensuality is now against Twitter’s rules. 

I’m of the general opinion that women’s bodies are becoming more and more policed online. I received this vague message regarding my suspension - “We consider adult content to be any media that is pornographic and/or may be intended to cause sexual arousal.” ‘May be intended to cause sexual arousal’ - have they met people? That could be literally anything - feet, hair, armpits even! But I bet the same doesn’t apply to a male torso - are men’s bodies not sexual too? God knows how many accounts I see on Twitter that are primarily just their cock and balls, can’t the algorithm remove them first? So it’s safe to say that the internet is getting harder every day to navigate as a sex worker. At the moment the general public is experiencing increased censorship as Facebook cracks down on certain words and discussions. We warned everyone - what starts with us, finishes with you - censorship and erasure is trialled on sex workers before escalation - we all saw it coming. Society is regressing - just watch this Internet Safety bill that is being pushed through (rather undemocratically) in Australia right now - it’s a very real possibility that we are being thrown back to the dark ages regarding freedom of information, women’s rights and sexuality.

I have been here before, losing countless hours/days/years of work, when I lost my website, domain and email when SESTA/FOSTA was passed in the US, and the loss of Backpage at the same time. That hurt. I thought then that my business was done, but I remembered then that I had started over this business before - I’d retired then unretired, I had shifted countries - and I adapted. So after SESTA/FOSTA I put my head down and my bum up and business was ok, I just had to work harder for a while. And I guess that’s what I’ll do this time too. Obviously it’s heartbreaking to watch years of work and thousands of images and decent engaging content disappear, but I guess I’m already used to starting again, so I’ll embrace the opportunity for a fresh start - there has to be a silver lining in there somewhere. 

I’m a solutions kind of girl, so I have now taken over use of my cat’s twitter page, poor guy, and am starting again there. Many of my clients were already there following the antics of my cat, bless them, so I didn’t go completely dark on the platform. Please, follow @FoxandtheFeline to follow my journey out of censorship, and sign up to my newsletter from my Petra website so I can reach you all regardless. 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Loud Mouth Wh*res

 I would like to acknowledge the First Nations people as the original inhabitants or as the Traditional Owners of the land where I live and work - Meeanjin, Brisbane. I recognise the country north and south of the Brisbane River, as the home of both the Turrbul and Jagera nations. I pay deep respects to all Elders past and present and future.

“Why do these loud-mouth wh*res need to paint their opinions everywhere? No one cares, why don’t they just shut up and do their jobs, sucking dick and looking pretty or whatever it is they do”.

Hello, it’s ‘Australia Day’, the 26th of January for audiences outside of Australia. From an outside perspective, as mine was up until I moved here a few-ish years ago, the concept of a public holiday to celebrate a nation doesn’t sound so bad. But today, if you’re online, you will see a lot of controversy around the day, and that a significant portion of Australians are campaigning to change or abolish the date. Now, I’m an import here and like many white people living on this land, I am still learning and being re-educated on what it means to live here and so I am not going to speak on the subject as if I’m anything more than a simple student. At a basic level, the date signifies the raising of the British flag upon the arrival of the First Fleet of convicts in 1788, symbolising the beginning of the colonisation/theft of Australia by the British, declaring the land Terra Nullius (nobody’s land) and effectively erasing the humanity of the existing peoples. Consequently Australia Day is commonly referred to as Invasion Day, and a lot of sex workers are publicly talking about it.

“First Nations people suffered massacres, land theft, stolen children and widespread oppression at the hands of the colonising forces. For First Nations people, 26 January is a day of mourning the history that followed the steps of Captain Arthur Phillip and the First Fleet.” - https://www.commonground.org.au/learn/australia-day

Australia Day is a contentious issue for Australians, with most people having an opinion about it, whether it be to change or abolish the date, a day of mourning or to reflect, or a good excuse for a piss-up at their mate’s place listening to Jimmy Barnes and burning an assortment of meat on the barbie. 

Now, you can probably tell already that I have an opinion on the subject. In fact, I have a lot of opinions. I am a real person who lives in the world - I read the news, I generally read beyond the headlines, I like to research things from different perspectives and I like to think I’m reasonably, but definitely not wholly, informed on social issues and general news. I have a brain, I did well in my studies, I like to think I’m a critical thinker and importantly (I say importantly because it’s relevant to the job) I’m an empathetic person with a deep interest and care for people. So the fact I have opinions on an issue as fundamentally important to the whole nation I live in, and one so divisive, should really come as no surprise to anyone really. I like to imagine I present my opinions as a citizen of the world and not an expert on anything, but regardless I am passionate and I speak my mind, as I was raised to do by my for-the-time-feminist family. 

And yet, I am also a sex worker. Outside viewers and a select gaggle of clients see it as a bizarre juxtaposition that someone who sells companionship should speak their leftie mind in view of browsing consumers online, as surely that would alienate my client base, and shouldn’t I just sit here looking pretty, giggling at their thinly veiled racist jokes. 

But those who have this view would be forgetting some quite important things. Firstly and significantly, sex workers are often the ‘hot topic’ of discussion - our very existence is political. As a marginalised group for whom many people would rather not be doing the bidding, we are in our very being, intrinsically political. We have to be loud, effective campaigners for ourselves so people in power, our representatives and society itself will listen to us, acknowledge us or to allow us our basic human rights. We are political before we even begin to address subjects outside of just ourselves. So for us to work, for us to gain or access services that other people take for granted, we are often already very strong minded, outspoken individuals. And this beyond the sex worker rights movement etcetera, advantages us anyway, as we navigate a largely hidden industry plagued with customers that might seek to disempower, silence, or further marginalise us. We must be strong to negotiate our lives alongside them too. We are living and breathing clickbait. We are the topic that everyone has an opinion on but very little actual knowledge. So if you think a group of people can have and speak opinions, you know, you’re talking about a group of people that have really had to speak out for themselves and educate people, and if you think they won’t think twice about using that well honed voice for other causes that are important and often personal, well, you’re kidding yourself. This is the reality of sex workers as a group - we have a lot to say because we have to. No one else decent is going to do that for us. 

Beyond that, it’s also important to remember that it’s not true, or at least it isn’t now, that all of our clients are right-leaning Boomers who spend every weekend at the golf course talking about grabbing women by the pussy. It simply isn’t true. It is possible, increasingly so - thank goodness because this is me… to have a demographic of clients that are left-leaning and feminist. And female. While yes it’s true, the client base of white upper and middle class management cisgendered males is still quite significant, the truth of it is, they just don’t hold the same buying power in the industry that they used to. You can be as left as you like and speak your mind, so long as you know your demographic. I say all this with full acknowledgement of my white privilege, and the privilege of no longer being a survival worker, but the industry is changing. I have been a sex worker for a decade and when I first started I had no concept that one day my client base would one day be mostly women, couples and left leaning feminist engineers. But as the world, and as general industry changes and grows up, so will ours. And being an opinionated woman in 2021 can not only be acceptable, but an effective marketing strategy. When naysayers question that I speak my mind, when they want me to be quiet, it simply doesn’t bother me because they were probably never going to book someone like me to begin with, and there’s other clients out there who will. Having an opinion tells clients that you possess intellect, and the modern client really is looking for much more than someone with a pretty face and nice tits saying ‘Yessir’.

Which brings me to the next point. I speak my mind openly, sure, but I don’t expect all clients to agree with me. And equally, not all clients looking for company want someone who perfectly echoes their views on the world. Sometimes, it’s really quite enough for clients to see that you can string a sentence together. It’s also genuinely intriguing to meet people who are different sometimes. That’s how we learn and grow. While sometimes I find it a bit offensive how impressed clients can be that you can easily use a word with three syllables in a sentence, it does work to our advantage. A lot of clients these days want someone they can tolerate the company of outside of copulating and a few minutes of small talk, and someone who puts their views out there is openly inviting clients who enjoy discussion. This isn’t to say someone quite right-leaning is a good match for a loud leftie, but two people who care enough about the world to have opinions often make a good match. I have met many a person with different views to me who have adored me over the years and we’ve enjoyed amazing times together out of being passionate people, and hell, I’ve even managed to sway more than one conservative fella to my point of view. Indoctrination by blowjob, if you will.

Most importantly, sex workers just have opinions because they’re people. Like any other person living in this crazy modern world, social media is an outlet. But going beyond that, sex workers do accrue quite a following, and it isn’t just the occasional tit pic and upskirt that grabs people’s attention (though, it helps) - it’s also our unique view of the world. As people who get to know your bosses, your tradesmen, your wives, your parents, your politicians and your celebrity crushes on an intimate level… well people care what we have to say. Our world view from living somewhat in the shadows but also deeply ingrained in larger society can’t be claimed by many other industries. And isn’t it important, as a paying client, not just that we can think critically, not just that we can fuck and harbour discussion with people we may never have otherwise met, but also that we show a deep sense of compassion? Big issues, ‘Australia Day’ being just today’s example, usually centre around people and human rights. Sex workers trade off the fact they’re non judgemental companions for all kinds of people. Surely as someone who is browsing the internet for someone you can get intimate with, you would want someone who possesses traits such as empathy, compassion and humanity. Sex workers not only are comprised of a vast range of people, often in marginalised groups such as the LGBTQI+ community, the First Nations community, People of Colour, immigrants, and people with disability, they also service people of these communities as well. The sex work community is diverse but equally also so are our clientele - and when we speak for important social issues, that is remembered by people for whom it matters most. Maybe Dean from marketing scoffs, shakes his head and books someone neutral for his one hour Friday evening rendezvous that he’s forgotten by Monday, but I guarantee many more will remember socially aware providers when they plan for a session they want to be unforgettable. 

Ultimately, sex workers will always speak their mind, and some are going to stay pretty pissed off about that - they’d find something to complain about even in our silence to be honest. But at the end of the day, do words spoken by people who don’t directly pay our bills matter? It could, if it got to us, if we read every comment and lost sight of why we are here and took it on board as personal criticism. But with the knowledge that people do listen, that our reach is vast, that there is money to be made still while being authentic to our beliefs, why would we stop? Curating followers, fans and clients who not only respect us and pay us, but allow us the space and platform to speak our mind about issues that are bigger than us, makes us more a part of the fabric of society, and the haters and naysayers only elevate our voices through hits and views and retweets.
So this is why I’ll never be quiet - because things that matter to society matter to me, which matters to many of you. If you expect the undergrowth of your society to stay quiet then it never flourishes, culture never blooms and there will just be a lot of really, really terrible sex. 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Face-Out

  I work as a face-out sex worker and I have a significant online presence. This means my face has a lot of reach - there are literally tens of thousands of people in the world who have seen my face, many of whom will have seen it enough times to remember it, a fewer number will have actually taken the time to see me in person and absolutely will recognise me when I’m out in the world living my life, regardless of how done up or dressed down I might be. There’s a vulnerability that comes with this exposure. I’m aware of it, I was aware of it before I made the choice about 3 or so years ago to become ‘face-out’.

So why did I do it? I think there’s a few reasons why it just started to make sense. Firstly, I was quite tattooed. I could have these amazing pictures done and have to blur half my body and my face - it didn’t leave much for people to see and aesthetically it looked messy. I eventually decided to unblur my tattoos, which was a big shift in my privacy, so that people could at least see my figure properly - something quite important for business, and so people could make up their own minds about my ink and whether it appealed to them or not. Removing the mystery around them helped business - people could see my ink was quality and not hate symbols or anything ridiculous.

Leaving New Zealand gave me some breathing room regarding my discretion. Part of me wanting discretion in those days was firstly to prevent my family finding out, which became a non-concern after I outted myself anyway and that actually turned out to be pretty fine. They’re all back home in another country so the chances of it being a problem for them is slim. Secondly, my ex wanted me to keep a lid on things because it could affect his custody, which was fair enough - things get a lot trickier when children and exes are a concern. I know of a sex worker whose job affected her custody outcome and that was never far from my mind - sex work is considered predatory unfortunately by too many people even under decriminalisation. But these concerns are now years and years behind me - I’m only accountable to myself now and I don’t really let people into my life who aren’t fully aware of my lifestyle and honestly, after the heartbreak of losing contact with my step child, I won’t be inviting people into my personal life with ‘custody concerns’ again in any kind of hurry. I helped raised a kid, I’ve done that, I’m done. And then there’s travel issues - facial recognition technology can make travel difficult for sex workers, but most of the countries that it affects are countries I’m unbothered about visiting personally - the US for example (I’m writing this on election night and honestly any country that can elect a Trump to it’s helm in the first place holds no interest to me at all).

So moving to Australia as a self-employed unattached person left me with only a couple of other concerns around discretion - being recognised in public and creeped on, and limiting future career moves. But significantly, I also now had INCENTIVE to show my face. Australia is considerably more competitive in a business sense, and I was coming up against clients who seemed a lot less trusting. Moving to Australia from New Zealand as someone who had been (I’m trying not to sound arrogant but) a reputed, relatively successful escort was incredibly humbling. I went from being a big fish in a small pond to being a small fish in a massive pond - I was really struggling to find my place and compete against escorts who really could hold their own in other industries whether it be it marketing, business, creative direction, fashion… and then there’s me, the person who thought intuition and being good at blowjobs was enough to be successful in this industry. Sex work in New Zealand was much more working class, and a monopoly system of advertising made it relatively simple to stand out because it always felt like we were all on a level playing field, people even pretty much all charged the same and very few showed their face. Here, that wasn’t the situation at all. In this sink or swim situation that I’d put myself in, moving here with nothing and no-one to ask for advice, I was doing a fairly inelegant frantic doggy paddle to stay afloat.

With all this happening in the background, and me already stepping up my game to work on other aspects of my business, it turned out that the final decision to show my face happened actually fairly impulsively, after a couple of wines on a night where a client had stood me up. I’d been feeling a bit flat about business, and I’d been spending all this time on social media looking at my beautiful peers showing their faces, knowing that’s what I was up against. At that time I had huge double mirrors on my wardrobe in the bedroom, and I thought I looked great. The lighting was good, I felt sexy and ready for this booking that didn’t eventuate. I snapped a selfie and looked at it, and wanted to post it - but my face was my best feature in this photo. You couldn’t see a hint of any of the bogan stereotypes people throw at me for being tattooed (and kiwi, the weird anti-kiwi sentiment people have here is probably enough for me to rant about in a whole other blog so I’ll save it). So, impulsively, a couple of wines in, I posted it to Twitter, face and all. And that was that.

I received a couple of concerned texts pretty quickly, alerting me to the fact I had ‘forgotten’ to blur my face, as if I’m not a capable intelligent adult capable of doing deliberate things. But other than that, the sky didn’t fall down. People didn’t suddenly start running up to me in the street, and there was no awkward texts from my parents letting me know their neighbour/friend/distant cousin had found out I was a hooker overnight. My life just didn’t change that much. But business did.

I think being a face-out sex worker, as an alternative worker in Australia helped my business immensely. It countered any stereotypes or fears people wrongly have about being tattooed or being a hooker over the age of 25. People now trusted me, I was suddenly a very real person to them. And for someone trying to create a new life in a new country I think that was incredibly important for me, to prioritise business so I could financially prop myself up a bit after my divorce. I also don’t have potential career concerns, as someone who will ALWAYS be self employed, regardless of industry (though my intention is to stay around sex and relationships), my face isn’t ghoulish, I’m out already to the most important people and to date, I haven’t had too many issues with aggressive fanboys in the street. To date.

This gets me back to my point about how being face-out creates vulnerability. By becoming face out, I shifted the onus of my privacy away from myself, and onto others. I rely on people to essentially be good people - and in today’s world that’s a pretty big ask. I do believe that just because a sex worker makes the choice to be face out, or be in any other way immediately recognisable, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be able to expect a reasonable degree of privacy. 

We are not celebrities. Even if you are a follower, or a ‘fan’, we are not exactly film stars or public figures. We didn’t arrive in this industry looking for fame, we arrived here to have private dalliances in exchange for money. We work in a stigmatised, sometimes not even legal industry, and our whole job is built around a need for discretion - in fact you depend on it as clients. Our work is still underground and hush hush - a secret undercurrent below mainstream society. This is still true even if you’ve come to know us in a public space. It’s just an unfortunate side effect of the digital age, that there is pressure to be present, accessible and visible to potential customers, even if you’re in an industry where being visible is counter to the premise of the job. Social media is an integral part of my marketing, and it’s the part of marketing that I excel at. Quite simply, I sink without it. Curiosity around our industry and just a general attraction to our bodies and lifestyles means we can and do grow quite large followings and our reach can actually spread quite far, meaning we can be well known by our peers on the other side of the globe, their clients, but also ‘haters’, anti sex work activists, and nosey people in general. But it’s the business now, and sadly we have to rely on people to not be absolute shitheads to still be able to live a relatively normal life.

So if you approach an escort in public, even with what you feel is good intentions, you will make them deeply uncomfortable, and these messages I often receive that say they’ve seen me around, are creepy. Nobody, particularly women who work in a stigmatised industry and who are vulnerable to violence and stalking, wants to be informed that they’re being watched. I’m under no illusions that people will see me around - I’m fairly recognisable, but I don’t need to know you’ve been watching me - I can’t even fathom what that would achieve to let me know that. I don’t care for your opinion about how I looked at the time, it’s never going to be a compliment, it’s only ever going to create discomfort. I’m often out with my partners or friends and that time, is MY time, and not yours to intrude upon. It’s important to remember that in spite of our sexy online presence and our marketing, in reality we are all just normal people - going out to eat, shopping for vegetables, going on dates, going to the gym - and snapping us back into work mode, the work we are trying to keep hidden from the restauranteur, the personal trainer, the grocery assistant - is actually pretty unkind and indiscreet. In the same way I would never approach a client, because it’s my job to keep our secret - it’s also the job of clients and people who supposedly claim to support our work, to leave us alone. If I contacted a client with ‘I saw you out with your wife’, it would come across as threatening, and the same is true when someone does this to me. I wish we could abandon somehow the ‘fandom’ element of sex work, to abandon pedestals and awe, and go back to the days where naughty secrets, mysteries and discreet knowing nods were enjoyed rather than destroyed. 

Maybe you’re here because you enjoyed my writing, maybe you’re here because you like my face (or perhaps maybe in spite of it), or my tits or my sass. Maybe you’re here out of curiosity, an intention to book or an intention to learn - but while you’re here let me ask you to fall in love again with mystery and secrets - things that our society is slowly chipping away at. If you see an escort around, if you see me around, know that I showed you my face as a marketing tool and not an invitation into my identity. Your heart might skip a little with the excitement of seeing someone out in the world that you recognise, but contain yourselves, you aren’t witnessing a persona, a Petra, a brand, but a stranger in the wild just like you.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au