Crushed

     I’m a romantic at heart, I think crushes are wonderful things. 

I think that crushes are in themselves lovely moments of appreciation of a person – that’s all though, moments. And I think it important to be able to live in those moments, breathe them in deeply, get the high from them, and breathe them out again. Because a crush simply is just that – a moment. It’s a projection of shallow affection on a person who may or may not accurately reflect the movie reel happening behind your eyes as you gaze at them. 

We’re human, and particularly in this profession we can fall victim to a false sense of attachment that happens when we cum and we cuddle together and all the oxytocin is a deafening harmonic roar trying to torture and trick us into bonding with our mate. Too often it’s perceived of us as sex workers that we are cold and a little dead inside because we separate attachment from intimacy in favour of money. I like to make self-deprecating jokes about being dead inside, but sadly while that might make my life easier, it simply isn’t the case and I do from time to time come down with a crush. And it’s a wonderful thing I get to enjoy in relative safety, a perk of the job, unless I let the oxytocin chorale ruin my rational thought and completely and utterly fuck things up.

 

I may be, as someone once called me, a ‘Boundary Queen’, but it’s not because I feel a need to keep clients at arm’s length, I don’t think of them as lesser or bad or undesirable. Sometimes in fact they’re very desirable, but I’m familiar with the varying bad consequences when it all goes wrong. I keep my eyes open, it’s through my own experience and the many peers who I care for and their experiences, that I set rules for clients, and rules for myself. But did I mention I’m a romantic? I’m not an impenetrable fortress, and along came someone gorgeous, worldly and wonderful  who got under my skin and I gave myself advice that I sometimes give friends - ‘is love worth a chance?’. Sigh. 

 

When someone falls for you first as Petra, or whoever, instead of building something with a person from scratch, you have to start with a dismantling. It’s a reintroduction, you’ve fucked, you’ve held hands, twizelled hair, enjoyed a post coital glow and a contortion of bodies. You've shared a lot without really sharing much at all. You don’t even know their name. You have to reintroduce yourself not as the exotic name that you chose to embody your highest self, you have to say ‘Hi, Kia Ora, my name is actually something my parents compromised on but neither of them actually wanted and I’m not sure it embodies anything other than disagreement and ‘fuck, really thought we were having a boy’’. There is nothing glamourous here. Trying to strip back layers of branding, performative happiness and lack of trauma to someone who has you on a pedestal is difficult and quite awkward. You hold a lot of space for a person, and now suddenly you've got to share yours. 

 

And it goes both ways. Client and provider bring their best selves into a room, each wanting to make an impression, for different reasons. I remember once having a beautiful single-acting client who I enjoyed myself with a crush on, who I later saw at the market with his wife and children – oops. What happens in the room is very present-time – the world outside doesn’t exist and we can be whoever we want to be, and that’s one of the great things about it. But if we cross lines into the personal, you then have to wade through and find the threads of what’s real and what’s not and knit together a new version of events. And once we let someone in, it can be very hard to get them out gracefully when it turns out we weren’t such a great match after all. It’s always been difficult for me to open up to people and if it isn’t right, then someone being under my skin feels less like a warm fuzzy feeling and more like dermatitis. You try to hold on to the explosive feelings from the start but begin to realise it was a spectacular creation of a moment in time, and not built on anything tangible. A crush. A product of a time, place and my professional ability to create chemistry with people.

 

Unbuilding the skyscraper of a pedestal I was on was brutal for me, but also for them. I felt like I could always see the silhouette of a hulking great podium reflecting back every time they doe-eyed me. A lot of that admittedly was my issue, having a sort of imposter syndrome for my own persona, I felt I couldn't live up to that more polished version of myself - 'Petra'. Trying to tear it down led to an inelegant implosion which took them down with it. The truth of it is, as a provider I had a responsibility to set professional boundaries, particularly with clients who are mentally and emotionally vulnerable, and I really hurt someone when I crossed that line. I also hurt myself. A wonderful, kind, generous client and enjoyable crush became a destabilising force for me and ultimately any good I had done for them in my professional capacity was completely unwound by the damage inflicted by our brief chaotic relationship. 

 

I have beaten myself up about many mistakes in my life and thank goodness for my therapist, but I have arrived at the conclusion that while I have regrets around how I handled this situation, I am still human and I don’t think I'm wrong to want to believe that love can be found anywhere. I’m sure it can. But it stands as a lesson to me about why boundaries exist in this work and that it’s not such a bad thing to be a ‘Boundary Queen’. I think I do have a duty of care to clients to protect both of us in this vulnerable position we find ourselves in. I'm not inexperienced, I do in fact know better, now even more.

Crushes are wonderful and I am a warm-fleshed human who may indulge myself in delightful crushes from time to time, but I try to remember and to remind you also, that we are viewing eachother through a present-time lens. Where I am Petra, and you are John/Jane, our feelings are moment-specific, intangible, safer, but magical, nonetheless. 

 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Animal Kingdom

 A few or more years ago, tired of relentless enquiries who obviously hadn’t read my ad or put any care into their enquiry, I added an extra question to my contact template on directories: “What’s your favourite animal?”...

There wasn’t any real depth to this choice, I just wanted a way to separate the serious enquiries in my inbox from the rest of the fluff. Besides, everyone likes animals right? Worth a shot.

Years later, this question is still there, as it turns out it has been an exceptionally useful tool. As I predicted, it did help me weed out unthoughtful enquiries and timewasters. I don’t think I can understate just how prevalent an issue timewasters are in this industry – from silly through to nasty, there’s an entire population of people out there passing the time by annoying escorts. But, I think it’s been much more than just that.

 

Asking a wholesome question in a context that many would assume to be quite sexual, elicits a number of reactions. Just yesterday it even prompted an abusive response – that’s fine, that means I weeded out a nasty person in the process. But mostly, it gives me just a little insight into a person, and likely them a little about me. I’ll be honest, 8 out of 10 clients simply say ‘cat’ or ‘dog’, which is pretty fine because domesticated animals are adorable, and obviously I have a cat I’m rather crazy about too. That doesn’t give me too much insight really, but these clients are often still excited to show me pictures of their animals when they show up – so we’re instantly bonding which can only be positive.

But there’s also the weird little nerds out there just like me who come up with something pretty cool or random – (some I’ve even had to Google!) and I think it says a lot about a person who takes that moment to really mull over the question and respond with intention. I think while domesticated animals give you a sense of home, wild animals give us a sense of the world, so there’s a wonderful curiosity in people who give thought to un-bonded animals. That little question tells me so much about how a session will go, just that extra minute of thought by that person about a Mantis Shrimp or Platypus shows 100 times more commitment than the ‘you available babe?’’s filling up my inbox. 

 

Sessions are predominantly about the client and their needs, but finding common ground with a person makes it quite magical. A large portion of clientele, not just for me but in general, are male and perhaps Engineers or IT – people with very different minds to me. Therefore, finding common ground early on is always helpful, and quite fun. I am no Engineer, and I have zero knowledge of video games and the like, but if I can find a nerd who wants to talk animals – we have lift off! Something about being in the company of someone passionate about animals, sort of makes me feel safe. It just seems to be an attribute of good people – that ability to care selflessly for other creatures. I know for sure I’d never be comfortable opening my home (or my legs!) up to anyone who responded that they hate animals – that kind of psychopathy isn’t going to vibe with me, honestly.

 

I understand I sound a little crazy, it’s bizarre to be a sex worker talking about, now writing about animals. You’d be mistaken to think I’m vegan, I’m not – I’ve never found the balance of my innate hedonism and ethical consumption (working on it). But I think it important nonetheless to have things that make us smile. A memorable quote from one of my favourite movies ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’ of Federico Fellini - “never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way” says everything – animals always make me feel joyous, even when things are difficult. Just recently I had several difficult months in my own life, and so made a concerted effort to see Quokkas on Rottnest Island when I was in Perth, and it really reconnected me to that childish, earth-connected part of myself that sometimes I lose sight of in my busy, city life. 

 

And we too are animals. We are not removed from the Animal Kingdom, we are a part of it. I’m sad to say, we are the parasites in this Kingdom though, as we lose hundreds of unique species every year due to climate change, starvation and habitat decline. These are animals who have evolved over millions of years as part of a delicate, symbiotic ecosystem that we are fundamentally fucking up - just, gone. This is obviously part of a different and larger conversation that I won’t get into, but it cannot be so bad to spend a moment feeling compassion or joy about part of the world that we so often in an urban environment ignore, forget and neglect. I really hope to see many of my favourite species on my travels in this lifetime, because you never know just how long we have them for. Hopefully sloths in 2024! (fingers crossed). 

 

What’s this got to do with sex, I’m certain some are wondering. And honestly, probably not much. But we are socially sexual animals much like dolphins, bonobos and even fairy wrens. Connecting over anything, however obscure is a fulfilment on its own – it’s a flirtation, it’s a bit of dopamine and the start of how we bond. With time and age, I’ve come to appreciate the parts around sex that make it wonderful – the getting to know people, the tension, the touch and just the recognition of how unique each of us truly are. Our central nervous systems respond to this time spent getting to relax in someone's presence and relate to them, it makes the latter parts so much more explosive. 

This one little change that I put in place to make my life easier has in fact brought me closer to my ideal demographic of client and sparked hundreds of obscure, wonderful conversations. I think it’s kept us urban creatures just a little more thoughtful of our wild cousins, even if just for a minute before we undress to our own most primal, animal state.  

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Lover's Lens

 ‘I’m so sorry, my boobs aren’t what they used to be’, she says to me, eyes hidden behind falling hair, slowly removing her bra and promptly cuddling her boobs to her chest, shy to reveal them to me - the person she’s entrusted her nudity to.

‘They’re not like yours, yours are all small and perky. I wish my boobs were like yours’ - she’s still clutching her boobs and staring intently at mine, doing a mental comparison, then flitting her eyes to the floor and back at me, eye contact has disappeared along with her confidence.

This is at times the hardest part of this work, it’s that heartbreak when someone shows me their biggest vulnerability - their lack of confidence in the skin they’re in. It’s a hard thing, believe me I’m familiar with it, to reveal your most private physical parts of yourself to someone. To be witnessed undressing, unfiltered, under light - it can make us examine ourselves critically, it can make us want to hide. It can make us compare, and be truly unkind to ourselves. And I think part of that is sometimes that we are witnessing ourselves through a different lens than someone who wants to be intimate with you. 

We drag our bodies around with us all day. Sometimes they feel heavy, often tired, sore or annoying. We struggle and endure with our bodies, we punish it sometimes, and sometimes it punishes us back. Our relationship with our bodies is entirely about function, and sometimes it’s a more symbiotic relationship than others - sometimes it’s all out war. This is our lens to how we see our bodies. But as a lover, this isn’t how we view a body or a person. I'm professionally witnessing all types of bodies, and experiencing people with various relationships with their own physicality, so I’m seeing you differently to how you are.

I can’t enforce positive self-speak with the people I bed, that’s up to them and the work they’re willing to put into that relationship. It does break my heart to witness someone beating themselves up, usually over a perceived ‘flaw’ that I either can’t see or actually really like. What I can do is do my best to make people comfortable in that moment, and tell them what I see.

To me, your body is perfect - because it belongs to you. You’re a person who I like (I assume, else you’d likely not be here), who is kind, who is opening up to me and giving me the privilege of sharing space with you. You’re stripped down, a little vulnerable, and you’re open to a good time. Society has done a number on people, particularly women but also men, by telling us what you should look like, enforcing harmful gender roles, body image requirements, perceived norms, and Instagram really hasn’t helped. Our bodies change, and sometimes we mourn what they used to be rather than adjusting our perspective to enjoy how it is now. We often wish we’d fully appreciated the ‘past body’ when we had it, yet we haven’t even begun appreciating it now. When will you start? The things you may have come to think as desirable in a body often actually lay outside the norm, and setting yourself against those standards is harmful, and not based on any kind of reality. 

Truth is, I love gravity. So your boobs don’t sit up announced like a territorial chihuahua anymore? Great, I am *very* much into boobs that squish, that move, that I can get lost in. You have a tummy that you want to hide? Honestly, I love a tummy - I try not to make people self conscious, but have you felt a belly? It feels delightful! A guy with a belly is nice to ride, and I love to rub them, run my fingers over them, bump my head against them during oral - bellies are sensorily lovely. A belly on a woman is soft, just like her skin and makes her look like an oil painting. Self conscious about your genitals? I’ve never met a clean dick or pussy that wasn’t a good time. Yet, people talk negatively to me about their vulvas - their absolutely normal and delightful pussies, and dick wielders will moan also about their size or shape. Trust me, they’re all good.

I am not a perfect person. Through years of getting my clothes off professionally, I’ve done the work to keep myself in a fairly body-neutral frame of mind, most of the time, and actively give thanks for the things my body does for me. I largely believe that the body is only a portion of what is attractive about a person but it doesn't stop us putting a mammoth amount of emphasis on it. I myself am not immune to having negative thoughts about parts of my body, that other people no doubt adore. I used to be self conscious about my big booty, but I have grown to appreciate that other people enjoy that about me. The little boobs you love, well I used to shove my Mum’s shoulder pads down my bra when I went to school, so that hasn’t always been a friendly relationship. I think it’s important to keep a lens on yourself of that of a lover - how would you see yourself? How have your lovers looked at you when you take your clothes off? I’ve never done a couple’s booking where people didn’t look at each other like they’re a snack - because, well you are. That’s a lover’s lens, and it’s much kinder to you than you are to yourself. If you’re often self deprecating like me, you could shrug it off as bias, but it isn’t that, I believe when people view you intimately, it’s the most honest way a person can see you. We ourselves carry bias by having been conditioned to be so self critical. 

I’m looking at you, your boobs, your body, your self, with a lover’s lens - I’m seeing your beautiful squishy body, the cheeky smile, your lovely belly, chewable earlobes and soft hair. I’m into your body hair, I’m into the gold tooth you hide with your hand, your little feet and features you don’t even know you have. I'm into the things your body does with mine. You have many things to adore about you, and they may be things you view differently, but to me are perfect. Your body is worthy of kindness, and if you can’t give it to yourself, then I’m going to do my best to do that for you, because I promise you’re so much hotter than you think.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Imposter Sydnrome

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Whore on Tour

The plane lands, wonderful, I always insist on the window seat and I'm too polite to ask people next to me to move so I can pee. I really need to pee.

I’ve learned my lesson now, half the time we never get to disembark from the rear so I'm strategically right behind business class so I can swiftly get the hell off this germ-riddled hell-tube with the bland muffins and offensive cups of tea. They said we can turn our phones on now, everyone is in a rush to do so, they wanna tell their loved ones they arrived safe, send some little emojis and start on with their journey. My own phone is on, but everyone knows I'm fine, I always am, this isn’t anything unusual anymore - me being off on one of my adventures. But my work phone I leave it for a bit. Let me get off this damn thing and into a bathroom stall first, somewhat urgently.

My feet are on solid ground, I’ve relieved myself and after a painful battle trying to get my luggage (always pack heavy, they’ll unload it first) and drag my two suitcases to a taxi (I’m growing too tired of unreliable Ubers), and now I’m in the backseat with a cabbie who thinks masks make excellent neck-beards, and I turn on my work phone. Welcome on tour.

Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. 

Ugh, deep breath.

• Hey Petra. It’s Jake, just checking we are still ok for Wednesday?
• Hey bb
• You available baby?
• Hi, sorry for the late notice but I just saw you’re touring here. My name is Michael, 38, and I’m after 2hours at any time you have left available. Thanks
• Hi it’s Lachlan - about that booking we’ve got, would it be ok if we don’t use a condom? 
• Hey saw you’re in town, wanna play later?
• Hey Petra it’s John, just checking you landed safe
• Hi Petra,  I have to cancel our 4pm, can you transfer the deposit? When are you here next?
• Hey nice pics!
• Hey u trade for ice?
• Nice Tatts, can I see more pics?
• Got an onlyfans? 
• Hey Petra, I’m all set for tonight at 7pm, just checking if you’d enjoy a bottle of Pinot? Peter
• Hi Petra, I wanted to book you but I have covid so I can't (cool sorry bro?)
• Hey it’s Bobby, are you available in Brisbane tonight? (No Bobby, Im away)

My ads have all clicked over to the city I’m now in - I'm fresh meat for the local timewasters.

I’m prioritising now. I’ll address my short notice cancellation first, that’s annoying, replacing that at this late hour will be next to impossible.  No transfer for you Sir.

Yes Peter, a glass of Pinot would go down swimmingly, I’ll send the address details once I’m checked in. He seems nice, good.

Lachlan, I am no longer comfortable seeing you, you scummy brat. Hmmm, debate in my head about returning deposit or not. Annoying.

Ok Michael, you seem nice, let me offer you this 4pm that’s probably too soon, or maybe this time I have left on Wednesday. Fingers crossed.

Jake, yes I’m here, relax and I’ll contact you Wednesday as arranged

I scroll through the others and look at my schedule that’s looking pleasantly plump, I’m going to need every bit of emotional bandwidth to make it through this trip, I ignore the rest. Needy regulars ought not to be texting me without an enquiry, John.

Oh my personal phone. Better send some cute gifs so everyone knows I’m safely here.  A little tweet too. I’m a bit neglectful when I’m away, I sometimes wish there were two of me to keep all these balls up in the air (but that would be illegal wouldn't it, QLD *side eye*).

I check in, hurriedly unpack and shower and put my best face on. I pick up a short last minute booking for 4pm, so I sort of replaced the cancellation but took a little hit to the pocket. I didn’t have time to assess that properly but he paid the deposit. I take a few deep breaths in through the nose, slow exhale, let my nervous system settle in. Push aside intrusive thoughts of wishing I'd had time to buy snacks and soda water. 

This is my terrain, I plant a smile on my face like I’m not exhausted from the chaos of the airports and a full day in masks and sensory plane hell, and open the door.

Hey! How are you? The slow dance before fucking begins. 

Days on tour flow into each other. It’s a battle to stay present and have the same conversations about Covid and how much the climate here is different to Brisbane, but I ask people questions and their differences keep me there in the room with them. I have a lot of new clients this time which means a lot of teaching people what I like, which can be draining, but I learn new likes and kinks from them and I quite enjoy that. I do one of the best golden showers of my life - weird job satisfaction moment. I met a man from a country I had to Google while he was in the shower so I didn’t seem ignorant, and I guess that’s another little work perk - everyone's story is unique. Hell, even the middle aged white guys all have their own oddities, habits and signature cum faces. I leave every morning to make sure I get sunlight and a delicious meal, but I spend too much time inside and spend the quiet hour or so before bed scrolling AirBnB looking at huge houses in the bush and daydreaming of wide open spaces and sunlit picnics. Soon.

At the end of the tour, I’m very ready for home. The rush wears off after those few days, I feel the after affects of nightly wines, rich food, poor sleep and orgasms so frequent I fear the next one will split me right up the middle, leaving me a chasm of dust. 

I’m lucky this tour, only a couple of cancellations. I couldn’t replace a big one which annoyed me, but I still made a healthy packet and I got a lot of lovely thank you texts from happy clients, so I’m a satisfied sort of exhausted. I did a good job and I swell a little with pride. I can now afford a little time to catch my breath when I’m home and if I get sick, I'll at least now have sick pay. 

The trip home is always less stressful with no schedule to work to, I can just let the madness of airports push and pull me like the tide - I’m not desperately trying to swim against it. Even the mask comforts me a little, no-one will talk to me, for a moment there’s no obligation of entertaining or engaging anyone, I’m all alone in here, sans makeup and fucks to give.

My lover picks me up from the airport, they’re full of questions about how the trip was, how was my flight, was everyone nice? I’m all talked out. I feel guilt that my brain is scrambled eggs from coaxing shy people from their shells for hours every day, and all I can offer is a gentle hand hold between gear shifts and a glassy-eyed ‘can we have lots of veges and no alcohol for dinner?’ And we drive in an understanding intimate silence, which frankly, is bliss. I gaze out the window at the sunny green of Brisbane and my heart is beaming with the welcoming hug of home, yet I’m already thinking, where to next?

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Starfish Lovers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Character Development

 I could tell he thought little of me.     It was the unsolicited advice and desire to pick apart my life that did it really, he was a moderately successful man in his fifties, well groomed, and I imagine in his head he thought himself an ideal client, probably thought I was stoked to be in the company of someone who could shower himself. I’ll give him my Petra best of course, but I don’t think I love this guy as much as I think he loves himself.

It’s standard stuff initially. We’re making out, I’m changing the subject away from him negging me and my tattoos, he’s tanned and recently holidayed, reeking of privilege and little too much Armani Code. He’s got a nice dick, though my pride would prevent me from saying such a thing, and once I’ve warmed him up with my special Petra blowjob show, he climbs on top of me, thankfully no whinging about the condom, and to my astonishment soon puts his hand around my throat to choke me.

I grab his wrist and scald ‘Absolutely not!’, to which he climbs off me embarrassed and surprised. But girls love that! He does it all the time and no-one complains. I explain to him the power imbalance and that many would be too scared in that circumstance to speak up, rather play along - and I feel maddened that he’s naturally assumed his position here as the man, even though smaller, to be dominant.

I explain to him he’s picked the wrong girl to assume as submissive, and I'm trying my best to keep the session chill for both of our benefit, so I say - let me show you why. His dick quickly recovers from the fright of an outspoken woman, a rare beast according to him, I grab it and throw my leg over him and sit on him with a degree of force. I raise my eyebrow to say, ok? and he nods. I grab both his hands and pull them above his head, able to hold them both down with one hand - being strong and statuesque has its advantages. With the other hand I hold his hipbone firmly and then I thrust up and down on his cock, holding him steadfast by the arms and his waist. I don’t lose eye contact, I say ‘you like that hey? Being fucked by a woman? Well there’s few words finding their way to the surface - he stutters a yes and I stop - I can feel he’s about to cum. He pants, exasperated as he misses out on the orgasm. I kiss his forehead, ‘good boy, don’t cum yet’. He nods, I think he’s still lost for words, and I start up again. I free his arms, using that hand instead to slide my fingers into his mouth, slowly fucking his quivering mouth with them, testing his gag reflex. I smile as he agreeably sucks at them ‘that’s it, you like having things in your mouth don’t you?’ And he nods, 'Yes Mistress'. I didn’t even ask him to say that. I can feel him close again, I scald him - don’t cum yet, I’m not finished. He's learning his place.

We go on like this for a while, he’s a sweaty writhing mess, so I finally make myself cum on him, and I let him cum promptly after, not stopping til I'm assured he's lost every last drop - then sit on his face so he can clean up the lube and the remnants of my enjoyment - which he does eagerly.  I'm certain that salted caramel lube and Petra have a very memorable aftertaste. Good boy.

That was a good time for me. There’s a stunned glow across the room, we’re silent and dewy. 

‘I’ve, never been fucked like that’. How is that, I ask - the way you fuck others? He’s embarrassed and apologises. I strongly dislike the notion that all women are inherently submissive and that it’s a mans role to be dominant or rough in bed - traditional industry terms like ‘PSE’ with inherent connotations don’t sit right with me for this reason. This is a reeducation for him.

His head is spinning, and he comes out of the shower looking a little sheepish. I check in with him, he’s happy - he gives me all the money in his wallet as a tip and leaves after I give him a little kiss on the forehead.

That was 3 months ago, and he’s become my new regular. I’m lining up on the credenza various different sexual embellishments, getting ready for today’s session and smiling to myself thinking about how far we’ve come. 3 months ago this man tried to choke me, all I did was remove his control for a hot minute and now he’s in my phone every week paying sizeable deposits to be my little plaything. This is the kind of character development I live for. 

**as is always true, I do not write about specific clients, all stories are a collection of truths or maybe just straight up fiction, who knows? 

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

The sugar is bitter

 I think there’s a pretty significant portion of escorts who tried their hand first at ‘sugaring’, before coming over to escorting. Dipping our toes in a little hoping not to get tainted with the label of a 'whore'. Bless.

My entry into sex work was a complicated and not very healthy one, and started in an illegal brothel with a man who subsequently went to prison for pimping underage girls. Sex work is decriminalised in NZ, so if you’re jailed for prostitution-related offences, you were probably a really bad person. He was.

That experience tarred my image of sex work, and there was a lot of internalised stigma there for me. But I was still in need of money - I got kicked out before finishing high school and there was a lot of financial stress happening. So, naturally I did what any young person who kinda wants to do sex work but thinks sex work is ‘yucky’ does - I tried getting a sugar daddy. 

Cue eye rolls, I know.

This is a traumatic period of time in my life, so the timeline is a bit confused, but there are some interesting stories in there that I do remember, and have strongly influenced my opinions about sugaring (spoiler: it’s bad).

I’m not sure if the famous sugaring sites were around yet at that point, if they were then I didn’t know about them. At that point I trawled dating websites instead, setting my preferences for an age group much older than I was, and reeling people in that way. Look, I wasn’t very good at it. I have tried my hand at all number of hustle jobs in my poor youth - door-knocking for Greenpeace, telemarketing hotel packages etc, and let me tell you that I’m terrible at hustling people. I have tried. I once got fired from a call centre for calling my partner repeatedly and reading the script, because I couldn’t bear to cold call one more Grandma. But I was definitely pretty desperate in those days, and my $11hr job was barely covering the rent on my overcrowded, mouldy student flat.

I met maybe a dozen men in this time, most of whom I don’t remember, before I eventually threw in the towel and went to a legal brothel.

I remember three of these men well, and most not for good reasons.

I think the most memorable is Anton. Anton had quite a lot of money, but he was also extremely cheap. I think this sums up most sugar daddies I’ve ever met or heard of, but Anton was an especially awful case. Anton lived out of town - and the first time I met him, I took the risk of driving myself and spending my own fuel money to go and meet him, hoping he was real. And he was. Anton was a much older man, whose children were at home when I’d go and meet him. Each time I came to see him, he gave me less and less money, and brought bigger and bigger toys I was expected to use on myself. But if I came, he got very jealous and angry. He kept a picture of me, and showed it to his ex wife, saying I was his new girlfriend. He once took me on a fancy day trip WITH his children, acting like I was his new girlfriend, lots of embarrassing PDA and everything. He promised me a lot of money all the time, constant carrot dangling. That day I wasn’t paid, and I cried for hours. I think why I remember him so negatively was because he played a lot of mind games. I was 18 and desperate, and he dangled his massive house and wealth at me, but would pay me at best a couple hundred for several hours of intense play with his kids in the next room. One time he wrote a cheque for a bond on a new place for me, and he cancelled the cheque because I didn't txt him back fast enough. He made me momentarily homeless because he was insecure. Ugh.

I also remember Todd, Todd was not a wealthy man. But he told me how he had sold his house and had a lot of money in the bank (lies, obviously). The reason I remember Todd so negatively was because he was the guy who promised me the money AFTER we had sex, and naïve me never got paid. I asked for fuel money home, and instead he gave me some petrol from his shed, and whatever it was destroyed my car - the only asset I had. I had to catch the bus and walk everywhere for 2 years after that. Asshole.

It isn’t all bad, I also remember Lee. Lee was a well dressed, polite Asian man in his late twenties who was too nervous to touch me. We would sit awkwardly in silence, he’d give me some money and basically run away. We met three times, and each time was the same. He confused me. Thankfully I have a lot more skills in my toolkit for dealing with nervous people these days!

Finally swallowing my pride, after yet another promise with no follow-through, I tried a legal brothel that I found online which saved me from more of these experiences. I had so many preconceived ideas about brothels from my fairly traumatic introduction and they had kept me away for a few years. I attached a lot of gross stereotypes to ‘prostitutes’ and somehow felt that I was different. But in the end, the women I met in the brothel were inspiring. They had so much more control in these transactions, they were fierce and sexy and weren’t being strung along by promises. Granted, there was the awful problematic brothel manager, there always is, and it was not exactly 'executive' like it's name - we did $60 quickies and the sheets were threadbare, but in spite of myself, I found myself actually liking it. The clients didn’t play games, we all knew the terms, and I made more money. I didn't have to text them all the time to keep them interested - hell they wanted my discretion, not an annoying sidepiece. I found myself wishing I’d tried a brothel again sooner, rather than letting sugardaddies play power games and ruin my car. I absolutely believe most sugar daddies pray on the vulnerable, because they don't want the price tag or boundaries of a more astute professional. It's still sex work though, and I was kidding myself to think differently. 

I enjoy the simplicity of the escorting dynamic. Sure, sometimes people get attached, but they know the terms. All of my eggs aren’t in one or two baskets, which gives me the power to wave goodbye if someone is treating me poorly. The clients know they’re going to get a professional, not a naive young thing making things up as they go along. I barely got paid but I’m also certain I wasn’t being as safe as I should’ve been and I probably was terrible and clumsy at everything too. 

Years on, I'm an astute professional with a variety of lovely clients who respect me, which keeps me content. I get joy from my work, which makes me better at it. I went independent shortly after trying brothel work and getting the hang of it, and have been a completely autonomous happy hooker ever since. There’s no tears, no games, no implications on people’s families or lives. It’s the beauty of it. And anyone who dangles ‘arrangements’ or sugaring at me is doing so to someone who knows the alternative and prefers to keep the power of her independence - more valuable than any one man's wallet and promises.

*no real names, obviously

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

So you’re a virgin?

I’ve been a sex worker for a long time, and in that time I’ve seen probably hundreds of clients who would call themselves virgins. No inexperienced person presents the same, in fact a lot of people have told me that they were novices AFTER we’ve had sex, which honestly I don’t greatly appreciate.

So you’re a virgin. You’re frustrated it hasn’t happened for you yet, or sex is something you’re entirely nervous about, but still curious. There’s lots of reasons why an inexperienced person might seek out a sex worker, one is simply our availability to you, and another is that we may seem like a safe option.

Let me start out by saying that I personally see virginity as a heteronormative societal construct that’s largely used as misogyny to classify women as either pure or sluts, and I think the concept needs to be dumped entirely. It shames women and paralyses others with pressure and anxiety who seek to ‘lose’ it, to prove either manhood or virility. Virginity is a non existent state of being, and it isn’t ‘queer friendly’ in terms of - have you lost your virginity if there was no penis in vagina sex? And why do we say we lost our virginity, as opposed to given it, it's ours to give is it not? It took me a long time to realise I’d actually given my ‘virginity’ to a girl - because virginity in itself is so penis-centric in invention, when in fact other sex acts are still sex. And some people just don’t wanna fuck - Asexual people are valid and lack of desire to have sex is not something that’s ‘wrong’ with you.

However, there is an inherent need in most of us to seek intimacy. And if you’re a person who hasn’t much personal experience with intimate touch, it can be a lonely experience and I entirely understand people seeking that out. ‘Skin hunger’ is a real thing - we know that people in aged care live longer with regular touch than those who don’t. There’s something quite human about the longing for cuddles and affection - and we’ve been quite starved of that through both the disruption of family and community that has occurred through societal ‘progress’, but also now the pandemic we’re in where in-person contact has been so greatly minimised and demonised. 

Often when I meet clients who profess they’re virgins, they harbour almost a kind of shame around that fact. As if not having had sex makes them ‘lesser’ somehow, that they’re somehow undesirable. And I’d like to assure people that lack of sexual experience is nothing to be ashamed of. Often it simply comes down to the fact that you’ve been respectful of other people’s boundaries, been shy, too focused on your study/career, haven’t found someone you feel safe enough with etc - and that’s all perfectly normal and reasonable, no matter your age. I’m glad you’ve chosen to see a sex worker, it’s a very rational and sensible way to gain experience without your own or a potential partner’s feelings getting hurt. Besides, we have the experience to know how to deal with inexperience - minimal ‘awkwardness’. 

It’s best you let your provider know you’re inexperienced, you won’t necessarily be treated any differently, but I like to take extra care with talking people through what’s happening, educating them a bit about safe sex as we go along and not assuming any sex act is gonna take place at any kind of pace. I can then recommend suitable timeframes for you to book (please, don’t have sex for the first time in a 15 minute quickie with someone you’ve done zero research on) and what the session will or won’t involve. Surprising me after the act with this information feels a bit off - it robs me of the ability to make professional choices and guidance during the booking. Some sex workers do have an attachment to the concept of virginity and don't feel morally right popping someone's 'cherry', and that's their right to choose also. 

I have no personal investment in whether or not we have ‘sex’ during our session - my fee is the same regardless, so this should be an assurance to you that there is no pressure on you to do any more than you’re comfortable with during our time, or to ‘perform’ or impress. My emotional and professional pay off comes from making people happy. If that means simply just introducing you to touch, or to make you laugh and get to know each other a bit, maybe you just see and touch me naked but not much more happens - that’s ok. If you think about it, a booking can be a bit like an accelerated one-night stand, and not everybody is comfortable in that scene. Sometimes it takes a few dates to get to know a person, to trust them with your body and that intimate part of yourself that the world never sees. So for me - making you feel safe is my number one goal and the thing I pride myself in the most - before sex even comes into the picture. I like to think I’m good at that too… but if we can’t get to that part without you being totally happy and comfortable, then that’s cool. That isn’t unusual or weird.

A lot of clients come to see us for no reason other than having an itch they need to scratch on a Tuesday. I’d say that clientele makes up a significant portion of industry clients. But I think an equally large part of our industry is made up of people who do need to be made to feel safe. So many of my clients are inexperienced (or, they were), people who have experienced trauma, queer folk, neurodiverse people, people from very religious or conservative upbringings, disabled people or people who lack confidence. This isn’t just a quick root and boot for them, and to create a safe and accepting space for people is one of the most important parts of my job.

Sex work is a caring profession, and while the power dynamic of sex work is definitely a bit more askew than more societally accepted caring professions, there is a kind of duty of care that comes with being in an intimate space with people who may be a bit more vulnerable. I think by nature, people drawn to sex work are often naturally ‘nurturing’ types, which is why probably half the workers I know who study or move into other careers, end up in nursing, psychology or social work - they really aren’t that far off what we’re doing now, with a lot more paperwork. Which is why I think booking a sex worker for your intimate experiences if you’re a bit of a novice, is probably one of the better self care choices you could make - we’re here to support you and give you a safe space to fumble your way into a little more confidence, without fear of embarrassment.

There are some mistakes I think inexperienced people make, and I’ll aim this advice at my penis-wielding clients. There can be this sense of pressure to ‘perform’, so let me state with a degree of emphasis - sex workers are not here to be ‘impressed’ by sexual acts. We can be impressed by things like personal hygiene, timeliness, politeness and generosity, but we will never be impressed by whatever you think your dick can or can’t do - penetrative sex is abundant for us. So please, do not do yourself a disservice by furiously wanking prior to your session, with the hopes it means you’ll last longer in a booking. Often times, you may be so nervous, even subconsciously, you cannot get an erection at all. And that’s also ok. But this level of pressure you may put on yourself won’t help your perceived performance or your experience. It’s always best to turn up with an open mind, and to try and stay present and in the moment with your date. That’s how you’re going to have the best time - it isn’t by focusing on your dick. Most of us will probably teach you that foreplay is the real key to our enjoyment anyway. People have sex without a penis involved all the time, so do not make it the focus of a booking - it’s an accessory, not the whole point. 

Mostly, I hope you find joy in it. Enjoy yourself, enjoy the person you’re with and relish the experience knowing that if you 'lose your virginity’ to a sex worker it is going to be fun, safe and uncomplicated. But remember - you’re still the same person walking out the door who walked in, because virginity is an invention of the patriarchy. Intimacy is pretty frickin’ nice though.

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne

Swinging the brand queer

Currently, approximately half of my clients are women and/or couples. 

It hasn’t always been the case - in fact up until two years ago, it hadn’t even occurred to me to make myself available for that. I had had only a couple of working experiences with couples much earlier in my career and the last one had gone quite badly - the lady clearly didn’t wanna be there and I had to fuck her husband while she glared at me from the corner… I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so small or uncomfortable. So, I just wrote it off. There is enough work that comes from men in this industry that one doesn’t really have to do anyone else to make a living. But something a couple of years ago twigged.

Firstly, my sexuality really cemented and I gained a lot more personal experience with women individually and also threesomes (yeap, my own life is as debaucherous as my work life sometimes)- I was armed now with more experiences in my ‘portfoli-ho’ and self-confidence to bring into my work repertoire if I wanted to. Secondly, I was talking to a friend of mine who saw many couples and seemed really happy doing that. She hadn’t had any of the troubles I had experienced years ago, which bolstered my confidence. Immediately after that conversation happened, I received a request from a couple (even though I wasn’t advertising that service) and to me it just seemed serendipitous. If it went well, then that’s great, and if not I would never have to do it again. I didn’t charge them the customary couples rates (usually a bit higher than for solo encounters) because I didn’t feel experienced enough in a professional capacity to, and just went for it (after speaking directly to the lady and being assured she was keen). And it went well - in fact I’ve been seeing that couple regularly ever since, even through covid and rate rises - they’ve been wonderful to me. 

Soon after that, I had my first solo lady client, who I also still see, and it’s grown from there. I’ve grown more confident in advertising myself directly to women and couples, knowing now that there is amazing, and really fun work to be had away from the traditional notion of sex work being mainly for men. I kinda wish I’d come to this realisation sooner, but it wasn’t so easy or straight forward to end up here.

Firstly, I was scared of alienating my existing client base. While my clients have always been quite lefty and open minded, probably because I’m quite tattooed and outspoken, they’ve still been men, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in both my personal and professional life - it’s that men can be very intimidated by a woman liking something else different from them. I’ve seen men feel threatened by dildos, by other men or partners, and especially women. I suppose because women ‘offer something they can’t’, but, it’s silly really because why would you want to be ‘everything’ to someone whose job is literally to fuck other people? But it was a very real business concern. And maybe I had a reason to be cautious - I’ve definitely lost a large chunk of my middle-aged-white-male clientele, not that it was a dominant demographic for me, but there’s only a few who book now. I guess being a very colourful, tattooed, openly queer and partnered sex worker doesn’t appeal to some people. But as it turns out, that’s ok, I’ve gained women and couples in their place and I’m doing really well.

A girl I was dating at the time asked me some big questions while I was considering swinging my brand into the rainbow spectrum - she asked me how long did I plan on doing this and how was I going to do that sustainably and maintain happiness. Good points. My brand has always been very authentic, like sure I keep a few things to myself but mostly what you see is what you get with me. I can’t do the ‘oh baby, your dick is sooo big hehe’ bullshit, partly because I think my clients are intelligent enough to realise it’s disingenuous but also because I’m a terrible liar. So if I didn’t bring my sexuality into my work, a big part of who I am, it was going to start feeling uncomfortable for me with some of their heteronormative dialogue. And the industry is mostly heteronormative, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t grate me. There are so many (often secretly) queer people in our industry, that the common notion of ‘gay for pay’ that gets bandied about is laughable - it’s much more common for providers to be straight for pay - because traditionally it’s men who have all the money, and we want to make money - it’s sort of the point.

Things are changing though. People and their relationships are changing. Covid really forced people to take stock of their relationships, and they’re wanting to try something new. Maybe it’s a threesome, maybe the woman in a long term hetero relationship is mourning a part of their sexuality they haven’t been able to explore. Professional women are busy and tired and sometimes they want the company of a woman without the effort of dating or emotional commitments. Mothers want pampering away from the demands of everyone else, and I even have a straight lady who books when she is in town because, she says, ‘girls give better head and men are exhausting’. It’s definitely been a wild ride opening up as professionally queer - my clientele aren’t always who you think.

I felt like taking a leap into this new part of the industry for me would be a risk I couldn’t take back, but I’ve always had faith in my own hustle and it’s the best move (other than moving countries) professionally that I’ve ever made. I’m pansexual, and I still love seeing men too - I’ve got some amazing clients that I still have from when I first stepped foot in this country, but the variety, and the new challenges and greater landscape of experiences has definitely helped me fall deeper in love with the field of work. Sometimes men can feel ‘left out’ if they aren’t the centre of conversation, but I’ve also had some of my clients come out to me as bisexual or having questions about their gender now they can see that I’m a safe space for them to talk and express themselves freely. That’s kinda beautiful, and shows that there are benefits here for men too (not just the threesomes). This is never getting boring or old - my worst fear is of the mundane and I’ve opened up a door to magical kinds of people, so in making other people happy, I’m making myself happy and content too.

I’m lucky and privileged to have been able to make the changes I’ve made in this little world of mine. Lucky to make a living doing what I love, lucky to have support to do it, and lucky to have fun, respectful clients who give me the space to grow and come along for the ride. By opening up my arms to a wide range of people, I hope to provide a safe space for people to be who they are and indulge themselves for a while, so I’m lucky also that people choose me for that. It’s an honour really to be that person for so many people on their own journeys, whether for carnal delights or a deeper part of someone’s self discovery. I’m making a living being that safe and sexy person for others, and you can’t ask for much more than that can you?

PETRA FOX

Twitter: @foxandthefeline

Instagram: @foxandthefeline

Web: petrafox.com.au

Tips/Beem: @petrafoxbne